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Now, on another subject, here is some success advice: Handling Difficult People: Everyone has experienced it: Friends who always show up an hour late, colleagues who rarely shower or don't use deodorant, or subordinates who turn in work that looks like it was dipped in the cat box.
If these people are dull, incompetent, and graceless, we write them off as nuisances. But if they are creative or have a spark of talent, personal charm, or other endearing charac¬teristic, we often want to work out the offen¬sive interactions.
However, in most cases, people who consis¬tently behave provocatively toward spouses, mates, colleagues, or employers are really relaying several messages. Those messages are both overt and hidden and often don't augur well for change.
The overt message: I am behaving in an irritating manner to annoy you and to get your attention. I am testing you. I expect you to reject me. However, sympathetic people who place some value on this individual's other traits may interpret it another way. The covert message: Prove that you love me by accepting me the way I am, and I may eventually reform.
The odds are, if you are interpreting such behavior as a plea for love, you are falling into a trap and letting yourself in for additional punishment. Reason: Beneath the superficial irritating message and the apparent need for love and support is a third: I expect our relationship to fail and for you to turn against me because I am unloveable.
If you don't meet the challenger's expecta¬tion of rejection, the person will escalate the rudeness, messiness, or other irritating behavior until you are finally forced to give up on the relationship.

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Decide how much you want to put up with from such a person. What is the relationship's value to you? How much of your time and energy might you free up by working with or living with a cooperative person instead?
There are, of course, different degrees of this behavior. Rated on a scale of one to ten, a person who is a two might show some signs of this beh~vior, but it may be intermittent and acceptable. A ten is like coping with an alcoholic-a frustrating effort. This type of person may have had little or no positive attention as a child. Perhaps the only reaction from parents was when something went wrong, and then the child got negative atten¬tion. This may be the only kind of attention the prove-you-love-me person can now accept.
Best way to deal with it: Calmly talk about the manner in which you would like the per¬son to behave. Don't wait until resentment collects and you lose your temper. Talk about your unwillingness to accept the status quo. Then set down the consequences to the rela¬tionship if the person doesn't choose to meet your expectations. Example: You will be fired from this job. Or: You will never get promoted again. Or: I won't go out with you any longer. Or: Look for another job. If the person hasn't lived up to the behavior goals within a speci¬fied time frame, take the promised action!

Working With A Hostile Colleague: Aim: To work together productively. Ways to avoid working at cross-purposes:
Use flattery. Say: Good idea! Expand on the idea to make clear the comment is sincere. Rea¬son: A hostile person often lacks self-esteem, yet needs to feel important, even prestigious.
Resist any temptation to argue. That's where hostile people expect their attitude to lead. Taking the lure will damage efficiency.
Seek areas of agreement, even if it's exasper¬ating. Reason: The alternatives to cooperation are even more troublesome.
Worst reaction to the hostile cohort:
Humiliation.

Dealing With Abrasive Personalities: They are often high achievers, whose poten¬tial is undercut by poor relationships with subordinates, colleagues, and bosses. They have an overwhelming need for perfection.
Characteris tics:
Intense competitiveness. Tries to dominate others in groups. All differences are taken as personal challenges. Takes charge of projects and is so possessive that all the others feel they can't make any contribution to the project.
Overcontrol. Organizes and supervises too much. Their need for control shows up in their inflexibility and inability to compromise. That's particularly so in abstract principles. To them, losing a little control is the same as los¬ing total control.
Managing them:
Have them recognize the consequences of their behavior. Initiate frequent discussions that focus on the individual's traits. Important:
Show the subtle forms the abrasive behavior takes and why people resent it.
Avoid the impulse to strike back when annoyed. Instead: Describe how the person's tactics are irritating. Then point out that they affect other people in the same way.
Center discussions on whether the abrasive person wants to succeed or not. Refuse to argue or respond to his attempts to challenge, philosophize, or debate.
Recognize that this kind of behavior is the result of vulnerable self-image and an extreme need for approval. Such people have to be steered into taking steps that ensure success, not rejection.
When helping these personalities improve their office relationships, give them feedback frequently. Reason: Abrasives often experience considerable anxiety as a result of being forced to move more slowly or because they can't show their competence in the old ways.
Early warning signs:
Watch out for charming personalities.
Specifics: Be wary of those who seem to preen, dress perfectly, and pay inordinate attention to themselves.
Be alert to overprecision in speech and manner. An unusually high exactness betrays a great need to control.
Ask for descriptions of past work. Note how many times the word "I" is used and how closely the individual said he had to check the work of subordinates. How did he coach the others? Ask for his views on the limits and inadequacies of others. How does he see faults or human imperfections? How often does he report starting and finishing tasks without the help of others?