1. 'Needing' to communicate.
When you "have" to communicate, you probably won't be communicating very well. In other words, if you wait until you "have" to say something, you've missed the real opportunity for great communication. Tip: Communicate before you need to.
2. Trying to prove that you're right.
When you find yourself repeating yourself, pushing to get someone to see it your way, creating evidence to strengthen your side, you're caught up in the ego of the situation. When you're simply accurate, you usually don't need to push it. When you're right, you likely will. So, right
3. Being a Black Hole.
A Black Hole is a space phenomenon that sucks up all energy around it with nary a burp. People who are speaking need to hear an echo -- if you don't say anything or say things that don't help the person speaking that you got them, they'll get frustrated, keep talking, raise their intensity, etc. Tip: Learn the ways to say things that have the person speaking feel that you've heard them. Remember, it doesn't do much good if you DO hear them if THEY don't get that you heard them. Communication is always two ways.
4. Holding Stuff Back.
Full communication means that you say everything that's occurring to you, albeit appropriately. If you edit the important stuff out, you maintain an inventory, which, like milk, spoils quickly. Tip: Talk to family and community and create agreements for all parties to communicate fully, along with an agreed-upon way to clean up/make up if one is perceived as going too far.
5. Being Stressed, Caffeine, Adrenaline (drugged).
Communication becomes stressed when you're under the influence of externals and substances. Better to reduce/eliminate these rather than trying to strengthen your communication skills to overcome these influences. Tip: Simplify and clean up your life if you want to be a great communicator.
We've been trained to say the right thing, even if it ain't the truth. With all the hype and positioning occurring today, folks are less tolerant of bull and highly reward and value truth, sincerity, directness. There IS a truth in every communication and it's worth finding. Tip: Decide to tell the truth, even if there are consequences.
7. Not being responsible for how you are heard.
It's one thing to speak your mind, which is usually healthy. Yet, assuming this, you can go the extra step and stand in the recipient's shoes and listen to how they are listening, being sensitive to their needs and style. Doing this will quickly improve most of your communications. And, it's not a weakness or patronizing or co-dependency. Instead, it's a gift to both parties. Tip: Ask people around you how they hear you. Learn from this.
Communication is always two ways; broadcasting is only one way. Not much new stuff can be created when you're broadcasting (telling stories, complaining, ranting, stating opinions ad nauseum, being full of oneself). And one of the joys of communication is what can be created between/among the parties. That's where the magic is. Tip: If you talk a lot, find out why. You're likely to attract an audience, but wouldn't you rather have creative partners, instead?
9. Speaking Too Quickly.
Why speak so quickly that the recipient needs to focus hard to listen and absorb? This is an unnecessary stress, especially when you really want your message to get across, land, find fertile soil, burrow in and create a home for itself. Tip: If you're a fast talker, find out why and fix it.
10. Criticizing, Even Subtle.
Nothing stops a communication flow faster than criticism, in any form. Tip: Stop.
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